so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
