We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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