I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
