you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
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He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
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was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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