The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
