Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
