she looked like the before picture.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
