I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
