Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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