Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
