Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He felt like a one man threesome
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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