Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he fucked my hip out of place.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
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