with your own penis?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Randomize
