Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
