Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
