you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize