Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
