Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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