i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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