i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
