So drunk its hurt
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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