yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
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Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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