I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
