I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
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Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize