i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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