Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
