Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
