i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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