Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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