he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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