I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My vagina is very pro this idea
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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