i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
