It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
