What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
