While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
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The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
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Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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