you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
