are you still at the devil's house?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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