Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
