White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We left the knife in your bed.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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