Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
