My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
