I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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