I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
