how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My feet surprised me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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