Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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