i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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