I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
