Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
