so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
