And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can I color on your dick again?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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