Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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