So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
