I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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