i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
