sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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