if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She told me I should be a condom model.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
