I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
