i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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