i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize