Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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