u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
