I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
