I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
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It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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