I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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