Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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