oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I AM VODKA MAN
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
