I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
