just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We have so much sex to catch up on
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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