You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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