Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
