i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
