fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
