I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Shame - the story of my life.
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