Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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